


Endless Nightmare

by antialoha



Series: Not Simply Gone [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Michelle Jones, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Peterxmj - Freeform, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spideychelle, Ultimate Spider-Man - Freeform, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 15:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antialoha/pseuds/antialoha
Summary: In 2018, Peter Parker turned to dust along with half of the universeIn 2025, after rearranging his life as an young adult and a superhero, he decides to rent an apartment with Michelle Jones





	Endless Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> So i’ve put a lot of work in this fic and I just truly hope you enjoy reading it. If there’s any typos or mistakes in it, please let me know, and just know that English isn’t my first language and I tried really hard to make it make sense.
> 
> Trigger Warning: this story portrays PTSD, and panic/anxiety attacks. So if you feel uncomfortable reading about it, please stop right now!

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓

Winter hasn’t arrived yet but the cold wind hits Peter’s face hard enough to make it burn. He watches New York from his favorite point of view, the top of a big building. It’s been quite a while since the last time he had such a long and exhausting day.

New York has been quiet lately, he thought. At least in the crime department. New York was never quiet. But he liked it that way, somehow he got used to it. When growing up he never really enjoyed being awake late in the night, but since he got these special powers, waking up with his senses tingling and making his heartbeat speed up, keep sleeping was never a choice.

“Give it to me” Peter hears, looking down to see two men trying to take a woman’s purse. He puts his mask on immediately. Relying on a web beam fired from his wrist, Spider-Man swings from a building to another, landing smoothly in front of the criminals.

“Having a good night, fellas?” he says, pure sassiness in his voice. 

“What the he-” the taller one tries to say, while pointing a gun at him. Peter quickly leashes a web, throwing the gun away. The other guy tries to punch him, but Peter is fast enough to deviate. Both of them tried to catch him, but he holds himself with a web and kicks them with his legs at the same time.

While he knocked down the criminals, the woman had a chance to runaway. Peter trapped both of them together, back to back, with webs on their wrists and mouths. He picked his cellphone and disked 911.

“NYPD, how can i help you?” a well known voice picks up.

“Hey, Janet, how are you?” Peter says nicely. 

“Not you again.” she says, snorting “I swear, in the near future, all of the New York police departments will join to take you down for stealing their jobs.” he could clearly hear the seriousness in her voice.

“Well, hopefully i’ll be retired by then.” he responds, smiling.

“So, who did you take down this time?” she asks. “Please, don’t tell me it was Enigma.” 

“No, just a couple of thieves. No biggie. Anyways, write down the address and send one of your fellas to come pick them up, alright?” he says. 

“Alright, alright, Spider-Boy” she jokingly says. 

“Spider-Man. It’s Spider-Man, Janet.”

—

The world hasn’t quite been the same since Thanos, the snap, Iron Man dying and all kinds of stuff after it. Neither has Peter. Ptsd, anxiety attacks, depression, hitting him like a train all at once. Being a superhero has never been an easy task, Tony made sure to teach him that before passing away. Even though he never got the chance to tell him in person, Peter was eternally grateful for his lessons. So every time he had the chance, Peter would visit Pepper and Morgan in the lake house. It was the least he could do.

In his last visit, Peter took Michelle. He wanted her to be a part of his life as much as she could, so he introduced her to Pepper and little Morgan, whom felt in love with MJ and her scary stories. It was nice to have someone like her in his life, she helped him keep his feet on the floor, made sure to help him understand what was real and what wasn’t. Since Mysterio and his illusions, Peter has found difficulties believing the things he sees. Even people. But as longs as she was there, he knew he was going to be okay. 

“What’s on your mind?” MJ asked. They were outside her house, more specifically the rooftop. The first time she accepted to be carried by him while he was swinging around New York, she almost threw up and said that was never going to happen ever again. But she kind of got used to it, or at least that’s what she likes to tell him. He knew she hated heights, but she would never admit it because she knew he would avoid to carry her. That was a part of his life, so she wanted to make an effort for him.

“Nothing” he says, looking at her and rolling his fingers through her her.

“Right, because it’s completely normal to stare at a tree and not think about anything” she retorts, smiling a little.

“I’m serious” he reassures, smiling back at her. “When i’m with you nothing else feels that important, so my mind kind of goes blank”

“You’re a dork” she says and tries to avoid eye contact with him. Things were still awkward with them even though they had been together for over a year now. But Peter liked it that way. That’s how they were and it was special like that, somehow.

“So, last week I had this great idea... but i’m not sure if you’re going to like it” he says, sitting straight to stare at her. 

“What is it?” she asks, and her eyes brights up a little. MJ puts a string of her hair behind her ear, paying full attention to him. 

“Hum... it’s kind of embarrassing... you’re probably not gonna like it and probably...” he breaths heavily. “It’s something I haven’t put a lot of thought into, so... it’s not that good. You know what? Never mind. It’s pretty stupid,” he says, blushing and trying to hide his face between his own legs, while fiddling his shoelace.

“Now you gotta tell me, or i’ll figure out myself,” she warns, staring at his soul. “You know i’m really good with these things.” To this day, MJ likes to bring up the fact that she found out he was Spider-Man after observing him for years. She once commented she wasn’t a hundred percent sure until he fully admitted, but she knew she was always right. Since then, she‘s been putting a lot of faith in herself at discovering things.

“I know” he says, smiling a bit. “Okay, i’ll tell you, but you gotta promise me you won’t laugh,” he asks as nice as possible. 

“You know i can’t promise that” she says, lightly. “Making fun of you it’s what i do for a living”

“MJ... please” he begs a little, staring into her eyes.

“Alright, alright” she agrees, snorting. He fixes himself so his body was fully in front of her. MJ smiles, encouraging him. 

He could already feel his throat closing and sweat in his hands. His face started to burn and he tried to hide the fact that his hands were shaking extremely by fixing his hair. But it didn’t worked, MJ noticed and holds them. 

“Hey” she holds his right hand and places her other hand on his face, making sure he was okay. “It’s all alright. I’m here.”

He lets out a heavy breath, and softly smiles at her. It was moments like this that made him be even more sure she was definitely his safe place. Nothing was said. They spoke with their eyes, and that was enough for them to be sure they could endure a lot, as longs as they had one another.

“I was thinking since you’re going to Cornell University, we could... hum” he quickly wets his dry lips. “Maybe... we could...”

“Peter, just say it”

“We could, perhaps, rent a place together” he says it. And then, they went silent.

By the look on her face, that wasn’t what she expected for him to say. Peter was scared to open his mouth to say anything else, so he just waited for her to process the idea. He knew that it was kind of a crazy one, and it was rushed. But since they graduated, that’s all he could think about. He wasn’t going to college like her, because SHIELD has been keeping him busy lately, and somehow they were helping him with expenses – despite his attempt to deny it and say he didn’t need it. So, he knew she would feel alone there, and he wouldn’t be able to drive everyday for four hours to see her. And breaking up... well that never occurred to him.

“Yes” she responds, certain and decided.

Peter shakes his head. “Wait, wh-what?” 

“I said yes, let’s do it” 

“Wh- what? Just like that? You’re not gonna even... you know” she shuts him up with a peck. The best way of doing it. His favorite thing. 

She confidently states. “I’m sure of it. Aren’t you?”

“I am, is just that... it’s a big step. I thought you would at least ask for a time to think about it”

“Peter, I really... I just really really like you and I... i don’t know want t-to be away from you” she meets Peter’s gaze. They smile at the same time.

“I don’t want to be away from you either” he reassures. They reach into each other’s face and kiss slowly, and Peter grabs her arm gently. MJ touches his nose with hers and smiles playfully as she moves away. 

“Well, now we just have to convince my parents” she mutters, as if she was telling a secret. 

Peter realizes that, scared. The thought of MJ’s father refusing that idea and telling him to stay away from her crossed Peter’s mind for a second. He is thrown, though he knows he shouldn’t be; MJ was a grown woman, that could make her own choices and they wouldn’t stop her, and of course, her mother would support. But he still couldn’t help it.

“About that, I was thinking we could wait” he says, with a quirky smile. “You know, they don’t need to know for now. We still have time to talk this through”

“Wait?” she’s confused. “Peter, I already started packing my stuff, and if we’re gonna do this, then we should already start looking for a place to rent. If we don’t talk to them now, then when?”

“I mean... your father” he says. 

“I’ll deal with him myself, you don’t have to worry” she laughs, tapping his shoulder. “But you know what you really should worry about?” 

“May, yeah” they say it simultaneously. 

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow” he affirms.

“You gotta choose your words very carefully” MJ says, unruffled. “Because she’s gonna snap”

“No, she won’t” he disagrees, apologetically. “She might get a little tense, but i’m sure she won’t snap”

“Sounds like you don’t even know your own Aunt” MJ replies, looking truly sure at what she was stating. “She’s definitely gonna snap. So, good luck.”

He thinks about it for a second, and slowly gets to the conclusion MJ might be right. “Yeah, I’ll probably need it.”

“So, we’re really doing this” MJ says, with a soft smile that’s grows enough to make her whole face light up.

“We are” 

For a second, all that they really cared about was each other. What they had was unique, as May likes to say. Peter Parker always had second thoughts before deciding things, but the one thing he was absolutely sure about was MJ and his feelings for her. If he was asked a thousand times what he wanted, he would say, two thousand times, her. With no hesitation. And that alone, could be one of the reasons he was most scared of, but it didn’t really mattered at this point. Because things were finally perfectly balanced.

—

“So, you guys are endgame” Ned says, while they walk down the street. Peter put his hand on Ned’s bag of donuts and takes one. 

Peter tilts his head, smiling. “Yeah, man” he responds, mouth full of donut. “You know i just- i really like her, dude”

“Peter, you already over this ‘like’ phase, you two are whipped for each other!” Ned says, excited. Peter raises his eyebrows, a little confused. “Like, Romeo and Juliet kind of thing.”

“Yeah, but without the deaths, right?” Peter clarifies. 

“Of course, without the deaths” Ned responds, smiling wryly. “It would be cool, though”

“No, no it wouldn’t” Peter strongly disagrees. “This is serious, Ned. I’m sick and tired of deaths. It almost seems like I, somehow, attract them to me, everywhere I go,” he truly wonders.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s really not that deep,” Ned says, touching his shoulder. “Things like these happens all the time. And you’re superhero, for God’ sake! Time has changed and this is your life now. You can’t change that”

Peter falls silent, enjoying another donut. “Sometimes I wish I could” he says, quietly. And he’s almost sure Ned heard.

“Moving on, you do admit you love MJ, right?”

Peter turns around, still walking. He wrinkles his nose and adds, a smile in his eyes, looking at Ned. If he had to admit to someone first, it had to be him. 

“Yeah, man” he confesses, a smile growing in his face. Ned examines Peter, and smiles as well. “But it’s still hard to say it, you know? Sometimes I feel like she knows and feels the same, but at other times we are just... to awkward to say it”

“I know how it feels” Ned agrees.

“Do you?” Peter asks, in a jokingly tone, but weakly.

“When Betty and I were still dating, it was hard to be the first one to say it” 

“You two dated for like... less than two weeks” Peter says, with humor. “Is this even long enough to tell someone you loved them?”

“Yes!” Ned exclaims, with excitement. “What is it better, two weeks or two years?” asks with a straight face.

Peter realizes a second later what he was referring to. “It hasn’t been two years yet”

“Still. You’re waiting for way too long,” Ned says. “Next time you see her, you tell her. It doesn’t matter the place and it doesn’t matter the time. You just gotta say it. It’s going to be even harder if you wait.”

Peter recognizes Ned’s right. As he always was, most of the time. “Yeah, okay”

When they got to the apartment, Peter didn’t expected to find May there. A sweet and delicious smell was all over the place, she seemed pretty busy since she didn’t become aware of their presence until Peter said something.

“May, i’m home!” he yelled. 

It was a sunny Thursday, Peter had promised May he wouldn’t go on a mission today, he just wanted to have a normal day after a very long week. And apparently she took a day off to spend it with him.

“Is Ned with you?” May asks.

“Hey, May!” Ned answered himself.

“Sweetie, i’m making your favorite cookies” she comments, and sounds like she have a smile. 

“Oat cookies with chocolate drops?” Ned asks, excited. 

“Yes, dear”

“Oh nice! Thank you, May” 

“Wh-what the hell?” Peter asked, confused. “I’m your nephew, not Ned. You should be making my favorite cookies, not his,” he complains in a playfully way.

“Peter, I literally cook your favorite meal every single day” Mays responds. “Ned doesn’t come here as often as he used to, so I just wanted to make something nice” she finishes, sweet enough.

He makes a quirky face before getting along with it. “Alright, I get it” he nods, “But you too still make me sick. Anyways, do you need a hand?”

“No, honey” she denies, thankfully. “You always messes things up with your sticky hands”

“Please, don’t call my hands sticky, May!” he yells, sulky.

“But they are!” she insists. 

“Ugh”

Peter and Ned both sat down on the couch, while May was still cooking. They haven’t seen each other for almost a month. After the graduation ceremony, Ned went with his family to a three week vacation to their beach house in Honolulu, where they used to live when Ned was just a little kid. Peter used to call him everyday to make sure everything was going well and Ned never sounded more happy. 

“So, tell me, how was going back to your hometown after so long?” Peter wants to know. 

“It was awesome!” Ned answers, fully smiling. “I felt like I was home, you know? I don’t remember ever feeling like this here in New York. Seeing people that look like and act like me, it felt... really good”

Peter smiles seeing Ned’s excitement, he couldn’t tell when was the last time he saw his best friend so purely excited. Actually, he could. When they bought a LEGO shopping mall with nine hundred pieces. “That’s great, dude” Peter says, “Any chance you’re going back there soon? Maybe I’ll go with you and you can show me around. It would be fun”

“Yeah... it would be great” he says, suddenly his voice is quieter and nervous.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m actually thinking about going back there” says Ned, “For real.” 

“Like... living there?” Peter asks.

“Yeah, i’m telling you” Ned gets a bit exasperated, “I feel like I can finally find myself there” 

“What about your life here?” Peter shakes his head. “What about your parents? What about... me?”

“Well, my parents are coming with me” he explains. “They actually had the idea of going back. I can build a life there, I feel like it’s going to be great.” Peter has never seen a bigger a smile on Ned’s face. “About you... nothing has to change, Peter. You’re my best friend, a brother I’ve never had. Besides, i’ll come visit. And you and MJ can go there to visit me on vacation.”

“It’s not gonna be the same, you know that.” Peter says, trying to hide his jealousy tone. “But we are growing up, and you sound really happy, and i’m... happy for you, bro”

“Thanking you, man” Ned nods, smiling. “You and MJ are gonna love there, there’s a bunch of stuff to do, like...”

“What are we talking about?” May finally leaves the kitchen to join them. She places the tray with the smelling cookies in the table and the boys quickly take one each. 

“Ned’s going back to his hometown” Peter says, enjoying the cookie, as he watches May’s eyes goggling. He 

“What?” May’s voice cracked a little, “What do you mean? You’re not gonna be coming here anymore?”

Peter suppresses a laugh, seeing May freaking out.

“Huh...” Ned says, in that deliberately exasperated and nervous way he has. “Peter and MJ are renting a place together in Ithaca” he lets out, accidentally.

“Dude!” Peter grinds his teeth.

May is shocked by that. “WHAT?” she yells. “Peter Parker, what the fu-”

“May,” Peter says, in the most careful way, without being too careful “Can we talk about this later, please?”

“No!” her seems gigantic through the glasses. “You’re just a kid and so is MJ. What are you thinking?” 

“It’s not like we’re getting married” Peter claims.

“No, it’s worst because you’re not married, and you’re gonna live together just like that?” 

Peter giggles. “Wow. Really? I didn’t though you were that conservative” and instantly regrets saying it.

“I’m not conservative!” she snaps. Her tone is aggressive, but she eyes Peter sensibly for a long, disconcerting moment. “I’m just shocked and I worry about you, Peter. What if this isn’t a good idea?”

Ned keeps eating, quietly.

Now Peter is angry. “What are you saying? Don’t you think MJ and I are a good couple?”

“That’s not what i’m saying” she shakes her head, and shrugs a bit. “You know how much I support you two, is just... what if you get your heart broken? What if you break her heart?” she asks, in a complete despere. “What’s next? You two will be living together, it’s not like you can just walk away. It’s too much to think about.”

“I know, May” he replies. “And I know you only want what’s best for me, and right now, what’s the best for me is MJ. I love her and I see a future with her” he states, stuffing his chest. “If things go wrong, that’s just how life is. But if I ever regret making this choice, all I can do for now is try my best, so that doesn’t happen.”

It takes a moment for May to settle with that statement. When she does, she takes a sip of coffee. 

Peter understood her point, and the fact that she worried about him and his choices. Growing up, all he had was Aunt May. And most of her adult life was based on raising him. She made huge sacrifices for Peter, most of them he couldn’t ever repay, even if he tried. For a long time, all they had were each other and now it’s all changing. For May might be a scary change, for Peter it was a necessary one.

“Well,” she says after a moment of measured silence. “I love you, kid. You growing up too fast and... there’s nothing I can do rather than just wish you good luck” she smiles at him, genuinely. 

Peter walks towards her to give her a soft hug. “I love you too” he says.

“But don’t mess this up. MJ is a great, intelligent, young girl. If you break her heart, you’ll have to deal with me” May finishes firmly. 

“And me!” Ned says, mouth full of cookies. Peter takes a quick glance at Ned, raising his eyebrows. “What? We all love MJ”

—

He feels something is his arm, something scratchy. 

Peter opens his eyes to find out he was laying on wet grass. It was dark and cold, too cold. He gets up and realizes he’s wearing one of the suits Tony made for him, but not the mask. He didn’t had time to look for it, because as soon as he realizes where he is, nothing seems to matter anymore.

The grave was rising from the ground, slowly. His heart was pounding like ten drums all at once. Peter looks around for a second, panic curling in his throat, and his hands starts to shake when he notices he’s all alone. He reads the first word “Benjamin” and his mouth goes dry. It has been so long since he saw that name for the last time, but the feeling was still very recent and hurtful.

“𝐀 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐍, 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃, 𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃” 

There was more of him they left out. Way more. But May was a wreck at the time. Thinking about what add to her husband’s grave was the last thing she wanted to do. Peter wasn’t big enough to come up with something, so they had to go with the usual.

Ben was a father to Peter. Not for long, but definitely a good time. He remembers – when he was about five going to six years old, reading one of Ben’s old comic books. It was about then that he truly comprehended what a real superhero was really about. Not the one with the nice suit, nice cape, or an amusing super power, but the one who’s there to help people when they need the most. Ben was that superhero for him. He was there when his father wasn’t. 

“He died because of you” Peter hears a distant whisper. “Because of you” he wishes he didn’t, but he recognizes the voice, and it hurts even more.

Peter hears it close to his ear. “You’re the one to blame” May’s behind him. She stares at him, without really looking at him. She has dark, deep circles under her eyes and bloody clothes, her hand is raised in his direction. He raises his as well, but he has the intelligence to know she’s not real. 

He suddenly feels thrown. May’s gone. And as he’s falling into darkness, he hears his screams echoing, louder and closer. Louder and closer. Louder, and then silence. He hits the floor. Green smoke runs around him, Peter suffocates in his own fear. He gets up to find May again, but this time she’s not alone. MJ and Ned. And Pepper and Happy. Even little Morgan. They’re all there. He wants to scream, runaway, but they keep coming for him.

“Ben is dead because of you, Peter” May says, her voice sounds dead, and cracked.

“And Tony” Pepper and Happy say in unison.

“No, stop!” he yells at them. “You’re not real. You’re not real!” he insists, but he’s not screaming at them, he’s trying to convince himself. 

MJ steps forward and look directly at him, her eyes are dead. “If you were good enough, maybe they would still be alive” 

He feels like breaking from inside out. His body hurts everywhere. Peter breaths in through his nose, a directionless angst builds behind his eyelids. 

“This is your fault, Peter” Mysterio appears behind MJ. There’s only him now. “It’s always your fault”

“It’s always me” he repeats, with a cracked voice. 

“Yeah, it’s always you”

“It’s always me. It’s always me” he shrugs, whipping like a baby. “I’m the one to blame”

“You’re the one to blame, Peter” Mysterio strikes again. “You the one. The only one. They’re all dead because of you” he repeats, entreatingly. “𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱!”

“Wake up!” says MJ, and Peter jolts upright, gasping. He breaths heavily, trying hard not to cry. “It’s okay. I’m here. Peter, I’m here. You’re safe”

“MJ” he grumbles her name. For a split of a second he’s entirely sure she’s not real, until she holds his hand. “I’m so sorry” he apologizes.

“Don’t do that” she asks, gently. “Don’t apologize for things that are out of your control. Don’t worry,” he feels her warm touch on his cheek and breathes a sight of relief. 

“Where are we?” Peter asks, feeling dizzy. Evaluating things around him for a quick moment.

“On the bus to Ithaca” MJ responds. She raises her head and looks at him again with a stare that is piercing and worried. “Did you forgot?”

“No, no. I-i’m just a little tired. Sorry.”

“You can rest as much as you want, we still have a long way to go” she says, sweetly. But Peter doesn’t make an effort to respond, he simply agrees with his head and keep his eyes wide open while watching the road. “Does this happens often?”

“What?” he asks, although knowing exactly what she referred to. 

“These nightmares. Is it something I need to be concerned?” he never heard MJ sounding so disturbed before.

“I’m sorry” says Peter hoarsely. He tucks his face into her shoulder, breathing deeply and enjoying the sweet scent of her hair. “I didn’t mean to scare you”

“It’s okay, but we need to talk about it if this keep happening” says MJ. “It’s...it’s not normal”

He catches her eye, forces a little smile, and says honestly: “I know. I know” swallowing that hardly.

Peter maneuvers them easily into a familiar position: his head resting in her shoulder, while his right arm and her left arm are wrapped  
together holding hands, and her head lies in his.

When they wake up again, the bus has arrived to its destination. It was a cold night outside when they left the station, but it didn’t took long for them to arrive at their place. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 place, Peter kept repeating that word over and over in his head. He haven’t seen it yet, only MJ. She went to Ithaca two weeks before and found a small, but perfect apartment, for them. She was the one taking care of everything, even though Peter insisted on helping.

“𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦” she said after his protest. Even when she was being annoying, he couldn’t help but to keep on falling for her sassy and independent way. 

“This is a really nice place, MJ” he comments, placing his bag on the floor. He took all of his clothes and belongings, which weren’t that many, because after the snap other people went to live on his and May’s apartment, so they lost lots of stuff. And Peter was always too busy to go shopping, so most of the things he had were donated by one of the government institutions that helped those who got ‘snapped’.

“I know, right?” she says, with a proud smile. “Told you I get shit done” she proudly responds, with a smile.

“You sure do” he nods, as he gets closer to her. 

She sees the quizzical look on his face and goes: “So, what you want to do right now?” 

Peter studies her, dropping his backpack. They exchange burning looks, and he cups her face with both of his hands. MJ raises her eyes to stare at his, asking silently for him to kiss her. And so, he does. Feverishly and passionately, like he has never done before. MJ breaks the kiss to take a little breath, and looks up at him. In that moment, she was allowing herself to be vulnerable, like she always does when they are together. But that time was different. That look meant more than that, it meant she trusted deeply and truly in him. Only him.

They had their eyes so profoundly attached to each other as if they blinked it could all fade away. Peter puts a string of her hair behind her ear, to take a nice look at her bright eyes. MJ’s lips tremble a bit and he gently kisses it.

“You ok?” he murmurs.

“Yeah” she answers, smiling shyly. Her cracked tooth makes a quick appearance, and he can’t help but smile, as he evaluates her entire graceful face. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, not knowing the answer he would obtain.

MJ smirks at him. “If i wasn’t do you think we would be here?”

Peter considers that for a second. Then nods. MJ takes the wheel and kisses him one more time. Peter pulls her closer and wraps his arms around her waist, her hands gently caresses his cheekbones. He helps her take his shirt off, and MJ by herself, strips off for him. They hold on to each other as if they were meant to stay like that. He whispers something sweet on her ear and she softly laughs. Every touch felt perfectly orchestrated and right.

In few moments their eyes would meet and unconsciously they would realize what they meant for one another, and nothing else in the world truly mattered anymore.

—

After Mysterio’s revealing Spider-Man’s identity, New York has been observing all of Peter Parker’s steps for a long time. However, SHIELD’s attempt to despite the citizens attention by using one of the Skrulls who works with them to shapeshift into Peter while Spider-Man was saving the other side of the city has actually worked, Parker still feels oddly observed.

A few weeks after Mysterio’s revealing video, Peter became a target, and so did the people around him. His school was half destroyed by a drone during the graduation ceremony, luckily most of the students, teachers and employees were at the schoolyard celebrating. And the rest of them, including Peter, MJ and Ned were at Flash’s party. But Peter only realized things were getting suspicious when he was followed back home after spending a whole day at Pepper’s and Morgan’s house. After that, all the crimes attempts seemed too close to him, as if they’re trying to get his attention. And it was working.

The New York Times released an article not long ago letting out the made-up name to the person behind the attacks: Enigma. No other clues, no coordinates, nada. Peter felt like he was standing in the dark, waiting for the person on the other side of the room with a gun on their hand to shoot him. Vulnerable and weak. And there was nothing he could do to change that. But things have been quite since he left the Queens, no big news or any sort of crime bigger than the usual - bank robberies and armed thieves. 

At least, that’s what Ned has been telling him. He hasn’t officially went back to Honolulu yet and he still consideres himself Spider-Man’s guy in the chair, so he liked to help as much as he could. 

“So, how are things over there?” Peter asks, taking his mask off as he gets in the apartment through the window. MJ was still at college and everything was too quiet, so to pass the time he decided to call Ned. 

“It’s basically all the same. Aunt May and Happy are... well.. happy. And... hum... Betty and I are back together.”

“What?” Peter’s voice got really high for a second. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, well... I don’t know how this is going to work, because i’ll be going to Hawaii next week, but you know. We really like each other.”

“Then there you go,” Peter says, firmly, and then gently: “Look, distance doesn’t need to be a problem if you too make an effort to be together”

“I don’t know. We might run out of money at some point, and then get sick of going back and forth to visit each other all the time” 

“Well, sometimes when you miss someone a lot, it makes the willing to see one another higher, and as a consequence sometimes your love gets stronger” 

“Yeah”

“Hopefully that’s your case” 

“Hopefully” Ned repeats, and Peter could hear him smiling a bit. 

“I’m happy for you, man” Peter says, truly meaning it.

“Thanks, man” Ned responds. “What about you and MJ? How’s everything?”

Peter takes a quick breath, smirking. “Things couldn’t be better, dude. We ordered pizza last night and I finally told her I love her.”

“Wow, for real? Congrats, man!” he says, excited. “And what did she say?”

“Well... I don’t think she heard because when I told her, she was asleep on my lap, but...”

“Peter, how stupid are you? You two are living together for almost two weeks now, you clearly love each other, but don’t have the courage to say it? I don’t understand”

“Neither do I, man!” Peter exclaims. “It’s weird. We just don’t know how to say it, if feels like... if the other say it first, we won’t know how to react or something.”

Peter has been practicing saying he loves MJ for so long he can’t even remember, but every single time he tries to, he struggles to find the right words. He starts stumbling on words, and then it’s just too embarrassing to say it. So he gives up.

Ned snorts. “It’s not like you’re proposing to her, just say it!” 

“I know, but i’m not as confident as you are” 

It’s really not a joke. Since he was a kid, Peter admired the way Ned ease way with words. If he wanted something, he would just say it. If didn’t liked something, he would just speak his truth. And everyone was okay with that because that’s just how Ned Leeds is. And they loved him for it. 

“Damn right you’re not! Look, just tell her, nothing is gonna change. You’ll just stop waisting time, you know you live a dangerous life, you can’t risk not saying you love someone.”

Peter nods, forgetting Ned couldn’t see him. “You’re right” he says, after a moment of hovering. “Thanks, man. I’ll tell her tonight, I promise”

“Call me to tell me how it went, I’m curious.”

“Sure” his voice almost echoed in the quiet room. “And by the way, love you.”

“Whatever” Ned says, jokingly. And after a second of silence, he responds “Love you too.”

MJ gets home around five, while Peter was cooking her favorite dinner. She drops her backpack and books on their bed and sits on the bench between the living room and the kitchen, close enough to stare at Peter.

“Did you know” she starts saying. Peter loved those little moments where she got so excited about something new she learned, she would immediately tell him as some fun curiosity. “The Egyptians were so passionate and dedicated to build the pyramids, that when they were finishing, one of them would sacrifice themselves to close the top of it and would get stuck inside?”

“Oh really?” Peter pretends to gasp.

“Yeah” she says. She lows her voice to make it sound scarier. “Their bodies would rust because of the heat and dehydration, and then after they died, their souls would get stuck there and at night people would hear them screaming, and panicking, as they asked for help”

Peter turns his head to look at her. He smiles at MJ and she smiles back helplessly. “Is that even true?”

“I don’t know” MJ replies, and raises her eyebrows, “But it could be, and that is my point.”

Peter laughs louder than he wanted. And as he finishes cooking, MJ asks curiously. “Do I smell french toasts and blueberry syrup?”

“Yes, yes, you do” he answers, with a nice smile.

“What’s the special occasion?” she wants to know. “Please, don’t tell me you bought that LEGO castle you saw yesterday and now you’re just compensating me by cooking my favorite food”

“As much as I wanted to say yes, the answer is no” he says, and turns around to place the toasts in front of her. “I just wanted to make something special to you, is that so wrong?”

“Not wrong at all” she smiles. “Thank you.”

Peter sits next to MJ and as he stares at her enjoying the toasts, he can’t help to wonder – is she even real? Or some fantastic fantasy he built in his mind, resulting from an unstoppable fever of his pure love? He knew she was real, he knew everyone could see her and talk to her, he wasn’t the only one. But, sometimes, in the middle of the night, Peter felt like what they were living was to perfect to be a part of his actual life. It has never been this stable, so it was hard to believe. 

“It’s really good” she complements. Her brow is furrowed now. “Since when you’re this good of a chef?”

“Well, I have a lot of gifts and secrets that you don’t know about” he says, bragging himself.

“Is that so?” MJ laughs, softening. “We shouldn’t have to keep secrets from one another”

Peter agrees with his head. “I think so too”

“Good. So spill,” she teases, holding a laugh, “what more are you hiding from me, Peter?”

“Uh” Peter needs a second to think. He was never really good at hiding things from people he cared about, even though he managed to keep he was Spider-Man a secret from May for a long time, she soon found out for a stupid mistake of his. But it was different with MJ, he couldn’t keep a secret from her – even if he wanted to, because 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 had a special way of knowing everyone’s private stories, she was good with it. Peter likes to think that if she wasn’t studying History in college, she would probably be in a Investigation school or some sort of thing. 

“I don’t like to wash my socks” he says, without thinking too deeply.

“That’s gross” she says, making a judging face. “Why?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like it.” he laughs it off. “It’s a weird habit, but it’s true. Now it’s your turn.”

“Alright, hum” she murmurs, and then takes a little while to start talking again. “You’re weren’t my first kiss”

He can’t help but feel like he took a knife on his heart. “What?” Peter thinks for one terrifying, embarrassing second that, honest to God, he’s about to cry. “But I thought... what?”

“Yeah. I mean... you were my real, *real kiss, but like, not my first.”

“Then who was it?” he asks, curious. “Please, don’t tell me it was Brad.”

“What? No! God, why would you think that?”

“Well, you spent a lot of time with him during the beginning of that summer vacation. I don’t know, i’m just guessing.”

“No, it wasn’t Brad” MJ responds, with a smirk. But her smile fades away quickly and a nervous face takes place. “It was on fourth grade. It was break time and I was drinking an apple juice and this... girl came to me and she said I was... cute. And, huh, we smiled at each other and I... kissed her.”

Peter stays silent for an entire minute. Drowning in doubts, not knowing how to process a full sentence. MJ breaks the silence: “It wasn’t that special.”

“It’s ok if it was” he finally responds. “The first kiss is a important thing. At least mine was. It felt like the world could keep spinning and spinning, but time felt unimportant.”

MJ smiles at him. “It was that good, huh?”

“You know it was” he responds, smiling. “I just have had been through one of the worst experiences of my life and then you showed up and... it just felt like not everything was wrong”

“I wish you hadn’t gotten through all that” MJ says, softly. Peter recognizes that look in her eyes; it’s the look she always gives when he remembers what happened. Not a pity look. But a look that shows she cares so deeply about him, she wishes she could take all that pain away. 

“Yeah” he feels his throat closing, and swallows hard. MJ gently caresses his face, immediately concerned, but he’s fine, only thoughtful. 

“It’s in the past now, Mysterio’s gone. You’re here and everyone is safe.” she reassures, making sure to look him in the eyes while saying it.

“Thank you” Peter stares at her for a moment longer and then drops her hand from his face, curling his strong fingers around hers.

Quiet now, she shakes her head, and gives him a sweet smirk.

“I mean it” he continues, “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t had you, MJ. I don’t know if you realize your impact in my life — or if you even care that much to know, but things got crazy since I got these powers. Everything changed, and I get scared from time to time that I might lose it all. When darkness comes and I got nowhere to hide, the only thing that really matters is that you are here. Because without May, without Ned, without you... I have nothing worth fighting for. Only things worth dying for.”

Her voice is shaky when she speaks again. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth, and i’m sorry if it hurts. But it is what it is” he says, hushed.

They sit there, dead silent. Peter looks at MJ, helplessly, wishing for the words to come, but they never do. The truth is that he and MJ haven’t been apart for longer than a week in the last year in a half since they admitted their feelings on that bridge in London, and Peter is simply not sure what he’s supposed to get up to if she was not there. She’s the only person in the world who truly understands him, because she’s his equal, not in the perfect way, but the right one.

Saying 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 to her wasn’t an easy job. Not because he didn’t knew if she felt the same. But because if she knew, she would know he belongs a thousand percent to her. And even though MJ likes to be in charge and taking big steps, and having responsibilities, Peter wasn’t entirely certain that she would accept such a hard task that is to be with someone so mentally broken like him.

MJ take a deep breath before start talking. “Back in Europe, when I told i’m not good getting close to people, I meant it. I’m also not really good at stating my feelings, you know that” she says, quiet and firm. “But when I said I liked it better broken,” she touches the Black Dahlia jewelry, which she never takes off, “I didn’t only meant the necklace, I meant you as well.”

Peter smiles softly.

“Whatever is that you’re going through, i’ll go through it with you” she pauses for a second, and Peter can hear the purity in her voice. “Because I see you, Peter. And I want you. Broken bits and all. And I don’t care if things get messy or dangerous. For a matter of fact, I’ll pick up my mace and i’ll fight those bad guys with you.”

“Alright,” he laughs softly, looking at her. Peter kisses her lips roughly like he misses her. “MJ” he looks at her, and smiles, but it comes out strange. “MJ, I-” 

Peter appears to decide to drop and say it. But he gets abruptly interrupted by his phone ringing. He tries hard not to lose his temper, and takes a glance at the phone. Ned’s smily faces pops up.

“Sorry, it’s Ned” he hurry up to take the call, unable to meet MJ’s gaze. He moves away from her as he picks up the phone. “Dude, what you do you want? I was almost telling MJ how I feel” he whispers, 

“Hello, Peter” says a strange and distorted voice. Peter raises an eyebrow, and a weird feelings hits his guts.

“Who’s this?” his whole body tingles, but he tries to keep it together so MJ won’t notice. 

Terribly and miserably, they respond: “I think you know who this is”

His heart pounds in his limbs and the world seems to slow down. “What do you want? Where’s Ned?”

“Why don’t you come back and find out?” they provoke. “We’ll be at the top of the Empire State, waiting for you. I’ll give you some tips. I’m not that strong, and your buddy is really heavy. Do you think you can hurry up?”

Before Peter has the chance to respond, they hung up. Like electricity rolls in the air before a storm comes, he fears what’s going to happen.

“What’s wrong? What happened to Ned?” MJ asks.

“Enigma got him. I gotta go.” he says, suiting up as fast as he could. Peter was scared, so scared he couldn’t even think straight. He doesn’t know what can happen, and he shakes his head when the worst thoughts comes striking his anxiety. 

“I’ll go with you, let me just-” she tries to say it, but doesn’t get the chance. 

“MJ, no!” he interrupts, and numbly, meets her gaze. “I’m sorry but I can’t allow you to get in the way, I can’t-”

“You got no right telling me what can’t do!” she protests, ”I want to help”

“I’m sorry, I really am but... you’ll just slow me down and I got no time to lose. I’m so sorry, MJ” he knows he’s being selfish, but it’s for her own sake. And terrible truth, the worst thing is the last person in the world he would allowed to get hurt was her. 

Her name is the last thing he says before throwing himself out of the apartment. It was a long way from Ithaca to Manhattan, Peter knew that, but if he was faster enough he could get there in time. Although that wasn’t up to him, but Enigma’s mercy to spare Ned’s life. And that thought burns in him, the same it burned to see Tony’s eyes slowly closing, and the same way it burned when he saw Uncle Ben’s life fade away right in front of him. 

As he swings, Peter remembers MJ’s face when he denied her help. He knew she would understand, she always did. But that broke her a bit, knowing that she could try to, and yet it wouldn’t be sufficient. She didn’t had any super powers or anything useful enough to help when shit goes down. Peter pushes that though away when he realizes there was nothing he could do about it.

Spider-Man was considered a threat for a long time after Mysterio’s video. It took a lot of saving people, stopping robberies and helping the police department to make the New Yorkers trust him again. And even so, after it was proven he was innocent by one of the people who worked with Mysterio, some citizens still wouldn’t believe him. And Peter had to accept and live with that. It took a while, but once he understood he couldn’t make everyone to love him, just like some didn’t loved Iron Man, he made peace with himself. As longs as he was saving lives, nothing else really mattered. Just like Tony was treated his whole life as an irresponsible playboy, he died as a hero to the nation. Peter had nothing to prove as Spider-Man, considering that he was doing the right thing. But deep down he felt like if he screwed up, even if just a bit, people’s reasoning to not have faith on him would be rational. And that was something he couldn’t take. 

He lands at the top of the Empire State Building. It’s a little cold, just the way he predicted it would be. The flickering orange lightning reflects in his face as the sun sets down. Peter’s terrified, his heart beats so fast he could almost hear it. He feels his body tingling and quickly turns around to find a tall person dressed in black, their face covered in a grey mask – which the only thing you could see was their eyes – holding Ned close enough to the edge of the building.

Peter realizes he’s shaking, his breath caught in his chest. He’s unable to breath, because suddenly his lungs feels like closing up. His limbs are heavy and cold, and then it feels like there’s craws all over his body, the way that green smoke claws at him in his nightmares.

He looks at Ned’s face for a second, frozen in horror. He wants to tell his friend everything’s gonna be okay, but he still couldn’t know. 

“Whatever is that you have against me, it’s between you and I” Peter tried to say it firmly, but he fails. “Let him out of this, please” he begs, painfully 

Peter was used to beg a lot. And also to apologize. That was just how he was. But he has never begged for someone’s life, only his own.

‘𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘰’ he remembers. ‘𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘔𝘳. 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘬, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘰’

However, that was in vain because the mess had already been made. Not this time, he could still avoid it. So he begs like he has never done it before, his voice is filled with such a raw and angst that he can hardly recognize it.

“Please. Please, just leave him out of it”

“You took everything away from me, Peter. Everything!” Enigma yells, angrily. He could almost recognize who it was but the anger in their voice was too strong for him to tell.

“I’m sorry. I am. If I could do anything to go back and change what happened I would, but I can’t. So why won’t we just avoid more tragedies and let go of it?” he tries to persuade them, but he didn’t even know what he was referring to.

“Let go?” they ask, sadistically. “Okay”

And it happens. Ned falls. His scream is so harsh, Peter feels it in his soul. He’s fast and doesn’t think twice to jump. He releases a single web in Ned’s direction as they fall together. Pure fear runs in Peter’s veins when he catches a glance of Ned’s eyes closing, accepting his destiny. But not Peter. The web reaches Ned. Peter urgently wraps his hands tighter around another web he fired at the top of the building, and looks down at his friend. Ned takes a deep breath, mortified and smiling roughly. 

When Peter breathes, he breaths all the oxygen he has, relieved. He looks up to make sure they were safe, but Enigma appears and suspiciously makes eye contact with him. And then everything stops. The time, his heart, his ability to breath, and finally his brain. The next second, Peter falls again. And the world goes quiet.

By some sort of miracle, abruptly he’s given life a again. Peter makes a quick turn and fires another web, holding himself. Dimly he tries to reconcile it. Peter let go of Ned – he left him. All he had to do was hold him, and he didn’t. There is no time to look, he doesn’t have to. No one could have survived that fall —

The pain pierced Peter like a stab wound to his stomach. It’s the worst pain he has ever felt. He had thought – after Ben’s death, after Tony’s sacrifice, he thought, he was damn sure, that it was the worst pain he would ever feel. That initial shock is what hurts the most, followed by agony, and then miles and miles of full panic.

Peter let go of the web, landing close to him. His mask makes him suffocate a little, so he takes it off. More tears fall and his throat closes like someone is trying to choke him. 

“No, no, no” his voices cracks, very finely, like it‘s slowly fading. “Ned, please. No. Look at me. Look at me, Ned. Please. Wake up. Wake up”

𝘞𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱, Peter repeats until he can’t speak.𝘞𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱, he can’t and he won’t believe it.𝘞𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱, he sobs, holding on to his big brother.𝘞𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱.

— 

Peter was back at the cemetery. That same one from his nightmares, the one where Uncle Ben was buried. However, this time around, he wasn’t asleep. He wishes. But that was a live nightmare, he was living it. He was looking at Ned’s coffin going five feet into the ground, and he couldn’t stop it, or change it. Neither could MJ when she tried to hold his hand. Neither could May saying that what happened wasn’t his fault. He didn’t believe it. He didn’t wanted to.

All he had to do was hold him. He didn’t. He failed. He failed Ned. He failed his family. He failed the people who still believed him.

It was a cold, cloudy evening. Not common at that time of the year. The world was mourning Ned. That’s what Peter has in mind as he swings back to one of SHIELD’s headquarters, flying above all the screaming protesters who asked for justice and for Enigma’s arresting. Peter can’t remember the last time he saw so many people together fighting for something in common, perhaps he seen it on television once, but couldn’t put much thought into it.

Peter hasn’t heard of Enigma again after the incident. But he’s been looking, and that’s what SHIELD and Nick Fury has been helping him with. Their spying system has become overrated throughout the years. The Natasha Romanoff Program was built after Black Widow’s passing, but it hasn’t been quite effective, since their newest spies weren’t trained well enough to hack computer systems, or infiltrate the inside of a federal investigation. However, Peter knew Fury had a special way of dealing with things, so he probably wouldn’t He let SHIELD stain Natasha’s name like that. When SHIELD’s council denied Fury’s and Maria Hill’s attempt to help Peter by themselves, Nick didn’t even glitched.

“Yes, i’m aware the council has made a decision,” Peter was there listening to their call, which wasn’t completely legal, but Fury made sure to let him stay, “But since is a stupid ass decision, I’ve decided to ignore it” finishes, uncaring.

Peter admired Fury, even when he was terrified by him. He guessed that worked for everyone else, even people who were in a superior position than his. Fury wasn’t just feared, he was respected, and that made him untouchable. 

Director Fury’s office is a white and gray large room with great, transparent windows. Peter has been there quite a lot in the last few weeks, and still hasn’t got used to that much light in one place. His eyes would burn and the excessive white would give him headaches. Fury elevates his one functional eye to look at Peter. His eye-patch would still give him chills every time, but he doesn’t show it. Instead, he greets Fury with a serious nod.

“Absolutely nothing” it’s his response to Peter after he asked if there was any clue or coordinate leading to Enigma. 

“We are trying, Peter” Maria Hill says, “But our insiders have stated that none of the people who works for Enigma knows its identity. Rather is a woman or a man, or even if it’s only one person working by themselves. They don’t know.”

“That’s what makes them even more dangerous” Fury walks towards Peter, “You’re not safe, Parker. Neither are the people around you. The best thing to do now is for you to go missing.”

“Go missing?” Peter asks. “I can’t let May, or MJ. They need me around”

Fury agrees. “And so does Enigma. If you’re around, they won’t stop trying to find you”

“We believe that they have a reason to not kill you” Maria speaks again, “That’s not what they want. They simply want to hurt you by killing the people you care about”

“So if you’re not around” Fury says.

“They wouldn’t have a reason to kill anyone else” Maria completes.

“But if you go for that logic, wouldn’t Enigma try to get to me by kidnapping one of them?” Peter asks, “Because that’s exactly what they did to... that’s what they did to Ned”

“We pull out an extreme elaborate plan” Maria replies, crossing her arms. Fury stares at him, and suddenly he feels his mouth drying. “But you are not gonna like it.” 

— 

“Peter?” he hears MJ soft voice through the phone. His name on her voice has always been one of the best things he has ever heard. But this time, he felt like dying when she said it. “Where are you? You’ve been out all day long. I got really worried.”

He takes a few seconds to come up with words. “MJ- I” his voice cracks. He feels Fury’s intense stare at him, it’s a ‘you gotta do this’ kind of look. Peter presses his fingers around the cellphone, and turns around to ignore him.

“What is it? Are you alright?” she’s scared, he could hear it under her breath. That was the worst. He wants to cry and give up on that idea, but it was a necessary act. Not for him, but for them. 

“I am. I am” he shakes his head, brushing away his tears. “Are you?”

“Yes” she assures, “Peter, what’s wrong? Why won’t you come home? It’s late. You’ve been missing since the funeral. May is worried too, she’s been calling.”

“I’ve talked to her already” he says. 

“You have?” 

“Yeah, she’s... she’ll be okay” Peter responds. He knows what’s coming next. It’s inevitable now. He immediately remembers the panic in May’s voice, how she begged for him to not do it, how much she cried. And that killed him, make his mom, his friend, his aunt go through all of that after And everything she has done for him, it was torture. 

“What do you mean she’ll be okay?” MJ asks, suspiciously. And for a moment, he expects not having to answer it. “Peter?”

“Hum?” he murmurs, and that enough was thick with guilty.

“Why won’t you come home?”

Peter doesn’t speak; he doesn’t think he can. It’s just terrible, it’s the worst thing. 

He tries to think about good things. He thinks of waking up by her side, cupping her face with his hands. He thinks about kissing her forehead when she’s asleep in his arms. Anything with her was a good thing. He loved MJ so much it hurts him, it burned him from the inside. And despite everything he has put her through, he knew he loved her as well. They build a home, a safe place. Somewhere where they could be themselves, and love and share memories.

Peter is truly crying now, curled in on himself. He tries to cover his eyes as his body shakes.

They had millions of chances to say it. To say how they truly, deeply, and eternally loved each other. But they never did. It was anguishing, and it was relieving. Because they thought that as longs as they never say it, that could’ve had last longer. But it didn’t. 

“I can’t” Peter responds.

“Wh-why? Don’t say that. Don’t do this,” she asks. “Peter, come home”

“I can’t, MJ. I can’t. I’m sorry. I-i just can’t.”

MJ’s voice is trailing off when talks. “Don’t. You can. You can and you will. Just come back, please” she begs, and he can hear the pain she’s feeling. And Peter knows how that feels, he feels it too. 

“I’m sorry”

“Peter, you come home” she tells him, firmly. He can hear the tension, and sadness in her voice, it’s almost palpable. “You come home, now. And we’ll talk this through. You come home to me, and then you go do what you gotta do, but right now, I need you to come home”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head as he listens. Fury has stopped pretending not to watch it and is now just standing there, waiting. That makes it no easier to finish that call.

“You’ll be okay. I have to go now, it’s for your best. It’s for May’s best” Peter tries to explain, but it hurts him even more, because he doesn’t even believe it.

“No! This is not for our best. You can’t possibly think this is for our best!” 

“It is, I swear” he says. “MJ, i’m trying. I’ve been trying for so long, and it’s not... this is not working. Ned’s dead. He’s gone. I can’t take any chances. If there was any other way... I promise you...”

“That means nothing to me” she replies, loud and aggressively. He has never heard her with that tone, she’s broken. He did that. “We got this, Peter. If you come home, we can work this through. I help you, remember? I help you. You help me. It’s what we do. We protect each other. You know you don’t have to this.”

Peter takes a long moment to wipe away all of his tears. When he’s collected himself, he quietly says: “I’m sorry, MJ. I really am. I wish it could be different, but there’s nothing I can do.”

“Yes, there is!” she exclaims. “Just please don’t don’t this. Please, don’t this. Just don’t do this to me. Please, Peter”

“I’m sorry” he says for the hundredth time, but not the last. “MJ, I-”

Fury takes his phone. And Peter’s face twists, in complete shock. “What are you doing?” Peter asks, indignant.

“We don’t have any more time. You said sorry a thousand times, I’m sure she’ll understand” Fury says, uncaring. It’s a terrible thing, but Peter wants to hurt him so bad. Nothing can stop him from it, not Maria, not the agents. No one. But Peter knows what he’s doing, and he knows it’s for the best. He knew he could rely on Fury, like he relayed on Tony, knew he cared for him, even if Fury didn’t show.

“But, I-i was going to tell her I love her. She needs to know. She 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 to know. I can’t do this without her knowing it” 

Exhausted, Fury replies: “I’m sure she knows, Peter”

“I don’t know” he says; sad, hopeless and tired. The weight of it lays on him, and he takes a hard breath. “I don’t know if she does”


End file.
